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19 November 2009 @ 11:05 pm

long time, no post....

Happy to report that day 164 is nearly over and I am still smoke-free. Now, cigarettes are a distant memory... very seldom do I even think about them... oh wait unless my unsupportive other-half lights one up in the same room as me. But other than that, doing great.

I am sick right now, just a common cold I'm pretty sure. I am just really hoping that the kids aren't sick for much longer. Don't know how much more I can take care of them as well as myself now. So, yeah, I am definitely crossing my fingers in regards to their speedy recovery at the least.

I'm also deciding as of today; that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. He is extremely unsupportive and a huge black cloud is over his head everyday when he gets home. I'm fed up with it. He kills good moods constantly. Always in a terribly bad mood... oh wait, unless of course he is out with his friends dirt bike riding. Just seeming a lot like he is here out of some obligation. Doesn't act like he is happy around me ever...

Bottom line is, I need to get a job and get independent so that the kids and I can just get out of his toxicity.

Here's to a long road ahead, and God grant me the strength to get this shit done.

Current Mood:

blah

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19 November 2009 @ 10:55 pm

I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger.

I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger. My Windows Live ID is lovemenhatemen@livejournal.com. Sign up now and we can chat!

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07 October 2009 @ 12:01 am

120

it has been 120 days since I quit smoking. I haven't touch a cigg since June 9th. I feel great. I look better... One day at a time.

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Tags: via ljapp

Current Location: US, Ohio, Lucas, Toledo, Hampton Ave, 541

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06 September 2009 @ 01:22 am

Ugh

Why does he act so childish?
I hAte when he puts others in harms way for a lauigh, he set off bottle rockets into the upstairs of the garage where like four ppl were , including a child... How is that funny? He is 28...not 12. I swear I'm ready to leave!

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Tags: y

Current Location: US, Ohio, Lucas, Toledo, Brighton Ave, 552

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28 July 2009 @ 12:25 am

Starting day 50 of not smoking in the morning. :) I'm excited about it and cannot believe I have come this far. And what's more awesome is that I can honestly say that I'm not craving smoking or anything. I'm happy.

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18 July 2009 @ 10:38 pm

Sometimes life really sucks

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07 July 2009 @ 12:11 am

I was really excited to realize that I am just ending day 28 of being smoke-free! I had to blog about it.
I don't really have any cravings that bad anymore. I think the first week was the hardest. I like to think of it like "yeah I could smoke and blow all my hard work to hell... But that would be the easy route... And when have I ever took the easy route?" LOL

I feel better that's for sure.

My advice to those who want to quit smoking is that making it through the first week is the true test. Stick to your plan and don't give in when you're stressed out.

And most of all... good luck!

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26 June 2009 @ 12:34 am

A day of history

As many will never forget, today was a day for great mourning. This week has been a week of great loss. Today Farrah Faucett as well as Michael Jackson passed away.
Farrah reportedly lost her heroic battle with cancer.
Preliminary reports to the media have been that Michael Jackson's death was caused by cardiac arrest.
Two days prior, Ed Mcmahon died.

This past week has brought me to some realizations I felt I should reflect on.
the first being that life is far too short to not live it to the fullest.
The second is much like the first in the sense that you should never take people, family... Anyone, for granted.

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22 June 2009 @ 11:34 pm

You convince yourself you can't live without medication... when in actuality, you can't really live with medication.

You are a zombie with the medication. You are a total mess without it.

You'll make it to the next day with the pills. But you won't without them.

There was a time, many years ago, when you were fine, without them.
Now you cannot function without them.

Are you a product of pharmaceutical propaganda?
Or are you really that unstable?

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27 April 2009 @ 09:30 am

Writer's Block: LiveJournal Book Club

Out of all of your favorite books, pick just one you'd recommend everyone read. As a bonus: why did you pick that one?

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I would seriously recommend the Twilight saga for reading. Yes, I am one of those Twilight people (lol). I read all four books, and I must say there is nothing like it. I love those books. After I finish this other series I am working on, I plan to go back and re-read all of the Twilight books again... Superb!

Tags: writer's block

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14 April 2009 @ 12:20 am

Yeah so I am laying in bed thinking as usual... And I have come to the conclusion that I am so blessed. I have three wonderful kids, crazy aniMals, and my "hubby" to share it all with.
From this point forward, I plan to always look for the positives in everything as opposed to counting all the negatives. Life is easier if you stay positive. I am convinced.
I am done taking things for granted...

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Current Location: US, Ohio, Lucas, Toledo, Brighton Ave, 554

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05 April 2009 @ 10:52 pm

Ugh

The way life works is strange. I have never wanted to be absent more than now. Things seem to pile up more And more nearly ever hour. I used to think that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, but I'm not sure if I believe that anymore. If God is throwing all this at me right now and is responsible for all this, then this is one cruel joke.

Tired

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Current Location: US, Ohio, Lucas, Toledo, South Ave, 1599

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29 March 2009 @ 11:18 am

Why are people so selfish about the stupidest things? Why is it so imperative that I be awake early on Sunday because you are pissed the kids woke you up?

I have had it with greedy selfish people. People like that do not realize how idiotic and rediculous they look and act.
It's always about them and what they want.

If murder were legal I swear I would torture this SOB....

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24 March 2009 @ 10:07 am

I am extremely frustrated right now. I cannot decide what I want to do degree-wise. I am half way finished with an Associates degree in Criminal Justice, but I am burnt out on it. I really do not want to do that anymore. I was contemplating switching my major to English Literature, but the prerequisits are rediculous for that major. I already started school, so it isn't like I can just quit now. I am already in over my head with costs and demanding classes. I just have no idea on what I want to do. This is not common for me. I usually have everything I want in life laid out, but this time I am at a loss. My biggest concern at the moment is that I do not want to get a degree that will require me to have a demanding job, in the sense that I do not want to be away from the kids a whole lot when they are growing up and need me the most. I just do not know what to do. Perhaps I can take a semester off and gather my thoughts. I need to figure this all out before I become a professional student for the rest of my life. I think a lot of this confusion has to do with the school I am at. They do not offer a lot of degrees. Everything with this place is pretty cut and dry. I am thinking about contacting the big university and finding out costs and what they offer...

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

confused

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21 March 2009 @ 12:20 pm

Writer's Block: Change for the Better over a Decade

How are you a better person today than you were ten years ago?

Sponsored by Nature Made

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I feel that I am a better person today than I was ten years ago if only for the fact that I am more patient and have better self control than I did back then. I think my kids have alot to do with that. If it weren't for them, I don't know where I would be today. Well... actually I would probably be in prison or dead. With having children comes wisedom. I have learned so much while raising them. I have learned what matters in life. My kids are my world now. Everything I do is for them. Every idea or thought is usually based on what they need or what I want to do with them. I like life in that aspect.

Tags: better person, nature made, nm3, personal greatness, writer's block

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21 March 2009 @ 12:11 pm

Thoughts on college

Sitting here wondering why life is the way that it is. Sometimes it is good, other times it isn't. Too bad we all can't be happy all the time. I wonder why that is. Everything at the moment is just... okay. Only worrying about school right now. I am a pin-hair away from failing. Why do I always wait until the very last moment to get everything done? I feel trapped in this college thing. I am studying a major I just do not care about anymore. Some people ask, "Why don't you switch it?" I can't... I have come too far in this one to start all over again. This sucks big time. It is the worst feeling of being trapped I have ever experienced. I guess if I work to get through this block of classes, I will have the entire summer off. That will be nice.

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

blah

Current Music: Diego - Rescue Pack

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20 March 2009 @ 08:49 pm

Writer's Block: Fresh Flowers or Crunchy Leaves?

It's the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the first day of autumn in the Southern Hemisphere. What season do you want it to be where you live?

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I would love for it to be toward the end of summer right now. I feel that it is the best time of year. It's a time when it isn't too hot and not yet cool. It isn't sticky, but it isn't sweater weather either. I love the weather toward the end of August.

It is only mid-March right now and I already cannot wait for August. I wish the weather was the way it is in August all year round.

Tags: seasons, writer's block

Current Location: Home

Current Mood:

calm

Current Music: N/A - listening to Nancy Grace

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20 March 2009 @ 12:40 pm

Well... I am back... just remembered I have a livejournal. I figure this will help me out with venting and keeping track of my thoughts. Not to mention, it is more private than writing everything down, especially in my house, where I have nosey people.

So, nothing is happening right at the moment. I am thinking about cleaning the house, like usual. I procrastinate very badly. I am probably the worst procrastinator in the world.

I think will go clean and while doing so, think of something profound to say here.

~until then...

Current Mood:

creative

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03 July 2008 @ 12:52 pm

My motivation with everything I want to do or need to do is completely gone!

I don't know where it went or how to get it back.

I feel how an artist must feel when they lose their muse.

It is almost indescribable. I am finding it hard to come up with words to write.

I only theorize daily that it must be the weather lately, maybe.

I feel lost in a sense. I have to force myself to do pretty much everything I do on a daily basis.

I have not left the house in well over a week. I feel no need to.

I have to go out today and prepare for this weekend's party. And for some odd reason, I do not feel like doing it.

Partys used to be so much fun. Now I count down teh minutes until the end of the party.

How do you throw a birthday party then ask everyone to leave two hours into it?

Oh well, I will live through it...

Current Mood:

discontent

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